Whats on my mind.

After gaining more access to blog again I found release. The thoughts that lingered in my mind cried to be expressed. It was a craving of the mind, of the heart. My medium of creative expressions are my words. Once given the opportunity, I'll write to my heart's content. Now I wish to write out what the thoughts I've carried with me for the past few days and now.

For the past months I have nothing but me on my mind. My career, my finance, my happiness, my plans, my pleasures and my pains. Other than working towards my career goals I have nothing else to look forward to. I'm emphasizing on this because I met a person that would have messed me up so good that changed that.

But before I go into details about this person I would like to say thanks to misfortune. By having my laptop, hard drive and basically everything that contained most of my digital possessions have been stolen from me. Stolen by a burglar in a break in. Just on my 2nd night stay at a place far from home. So life is a bitch but I love it. It helped me let go and realize many things that I can actually live without. Memories sweet and memories bitter. Paved a new way for new opportunities. And that where she came into the picture.

So what was going on in my mind? Well, I was pretty spontaneous when it all happened. She just happened to be an old school mate of mine which I've paid little to no attention to. She just seemed pretty cute. That was my impression of her. Then I have no idea how it came by but we started writing with each other and I thought it would be great if I could meet her to know her better. So we did meet up. Something weird did happen tho the night before the day. I actually had a feeling. A feeling so right. That tomorrow is going to be so damn right. That feeling of surety and confidence as if you've already won and you're about to grab hold of that prize. Then the next day I head out to meet her. As I call to speak to her for the 1st time I have no idea what to expect. But I had one thing, I had butterflies. Damn fucking weird. I've not had butterflies for so long and when it happened I just stop, dropped and rolled. I was actually starting to feel anxious meeting this person. What the hell? Weird. Ok. So I met her. The moment I met up with her I lost it. All butterflies and anxiety became dust. It felt natural. In a better word, phenomenal.

After that day, I was fine. Or that's what I thought. So I went about my things as I would. But then in a turn of events I've lost a place to stay and my luggage was on its way to a place far far away til the morning. So I needed a place to stay. Fortunately for me but maybe not so fortunate for her, she mistaken her flight schedule a day early. So I had the chance to spend some time with her. Then and there at the 2 3/4 platform I went stupid. Was is fatigue? Did I lack sleep? Was I lacking in nutrition? Have I lost my mind? Turns out, I did.

This change brought about a change on my perspective about love and relationship. So I was asked, "what kind of relationship is good to you?. So I thought about it. I couldn't give her a complete answer as I was reconstructing my views. I needed a reference. After hanging out with 2 friends of mine who are dating and another 2 who are married, I get to observe their relationship. I used these references to think back onw hat I thought was a relationship I desired and narrowed down to what I want. At the moment, here is what I see.

I would love to have a relationship with a person who compliments me. Who can share and support each others strengths and weaknesses. Different in terms of preference but similar in values. To love and to be free. I do not want to be tied down nor to tie my other half down. I embrace freedom. Freedom of ones own will. I want to be trusted by my love to be devoted and loyal the same way I'd trust her. I want passion, fiery love, adventure, happiness.

Maybe I saw that in her. Maybe my instincts are trying to tell me something. Maybe there are so many maybes. But for now. maybe. I'll continue later.