Remembering correctly

People,

We ought to remember as they used to be. If it wasn't love, don't remember it as love. If it wasn't mutual, remember it as being single-sided. But, too often, we remember as how we wanted them to be. We remembered it as love, but it wasn't really so. We remembered it as being two-sided, but it actually was merely one. Memories are not relived exactly as how the moments used to be, but redesigned and recreated. Why so? Most probably because it consoles our hearts- shattered, broken or however you describe yours.

Okay, so, we reinvent those moments and made it a story of our own. Now, it appears suddenly to me, what good do they do to you, if they were all fake and led you only to despair or false hopes? They weren't real, anyway. And, it wasn't breaking up that defeated us, but our own re-creations. Now, doesn't that sound a little ironic to you: I defeated myself?- sounds pretty ironic to me.

If everything we have in our minds are reinvented, but not froze as exactly as how the moments used to be, what elements and aspects were real then? Maybe when we love someone, we all live in our fantasy worlds. Maybe we took it as they love us back, because in Utopia- where we belong, everything goes the way we want them. So, did he really love you, or did you forced yourself to think that he actually loved you? It does make you feel better that during the end of a relationship you recall that he loved you. But if it were not real, it would have made me feel utterly absurd. It would be as if a puppet on a stage, playing different characters and roles only on its own. The saddest thing is that, somehow, we enjoyed our own dramas, when the spotlight falls on us.

The healing process is yet another drama. Because love is retracted or perhaps because we finally realize that love was only an impression, there is be a need or a desire or a lust to capture attention. Yet, we see that the audience is so dispersed, so it is scarcely enough. The spotlight is no longer above you, when you see that your loyal shadow no longer follows faithfully. You have to make a comeback and regain your fame.  You have to make dramas. Bigger dramas. Insert. Remake. Reproduce. Spices are added. Events exaggerated. Plots altered. But your dramas make success. Should you feel elated and consoled then? Or suddenly upon realization, you feel embarrassed and bloody idiotic?

I remembered the way I wanted it to be, but not the way it really was. I feel rather stupid. And I couldn't forget how these recreations pained me- both physically and emotionally and weighed me down. So, maybe that's why I no longer hold taunt onto them... Maybe that's why I'm starting to let it fade... I feel much lighter, as I make space for what is to come, and also as I let go of what is to leave. In that case, I only need to live passionately right at the moment, so there would be no need and no space for memories. Because, hey, how many 10 years more do we have? We wouldn't even know. So, what's the point of letting those faked memories compass and decide where to go and what to do? Brainstorm, brainstorm!

Debate if you want to,

Shae