Frozen to liquid.

There is a reason I don't give into hope. Where fate is just an expression for what I believe is leading to false hope. False hope, false expectations and false everything. I see it as just this fleeting tho comforting notion to raise ones feeling of security and joy for that moment. For what? What good can you do with a false sense of security? You're gonna end up 6 feet under one day so why the worry?

That was what I thought. When I was this fast paced, cold hearted, straight forward thinker. I felt that hope and fate were the dumbest of ideas. Only to keep your mind off the subject of pain and focus from the problems. My ritual when I felt pain then was to embrace it completely by numbing it with more pain. Self destructive I was. The reason mainly because I had only one reason to live for and that is myself. But now that has changed.

In the past 30 days I lost most my belongings, faced turbulence in my business and met with hardship. In a swift moment life slapped me in the face with all these troubles. I felt disturbed, annoyed, frustrated by the fact that I've worked so hard to gain what I've desired and required just to see it wash away. The realist in me looked at it as a loss. The optimist on the other hand saw beauty. I began to open up after a day or two. Looking forward to what was coming next. Like newborn, the world seemed more bigger and stranger. I am close to nothing at this point. Starting fresh.

Fortunately. By the strange alignment of the stars or some celestial arrangement I met someone. Someone who surprisingly inspired me with ideas. The idea of hope, fate, action, consequence. I've always been the cause and effect type of guy. If I act I get consequences. She somehow was able to inspire me with the idea that hope and fate can be inserted into the equation. I had some trouble accepting that idea but when I look back and join the dots. Yea... Fate can happen. And she became this beacon of hope. Lovely

So I looked into myself and reevaluating my ideals. I re-calibrated myself into the situation. I started to see greater things. I wanted change.

I've been having this desire to change but something held me back. Memories and stagnant thoughts kept me at bay from reaching out for more. I had to take a punch in the face from life to show me that it is finally time to let go. So I did. Just to find someone that would be whom I will now refer to as my Goddess.

I'm now much more free. I'm letting go. To be received by the future. The uncertainty feels good. I will seek to know whats ahead.