Twisted logics

Ironic isn't it- when we are presented with what we asked for, we couldn't accept without second thoughts? Maybe we have been hurt too much to trust that, on this world where we stand, is a good place, with an air of kindness and generosity. 

Sometimes I worry for my inner child, whose world is as beautiful as the first snow, as I let her roam free and also as I let her to trust completely. I fear, because of what the people chant every day: Do not trust so easily and completely. You are young. You never know what the world holds for you. 

Then I ponder, Why are people easily persuaded by the evilness, but not the good the others could or would bring to them? My answer is, because they are all adults. I feel a pang of relief when I realized that I worry, and that is significant because my inner child is not dead, but kept alive all this while. It is an utter exhaustion to live with such cautiousness, to identify strangers first as possible threats but not warm-blooded humans. Isn't is the saddest thing that could happen to all of us? 

I struggle between being a child and an adult frequently. And even more frequently these days. I have a rational head, but an irrational heart, trapped with so much emotions that I kept hidden all these while. I have came early to a conclusion that I shall be a child when I speak of dreams and love. The adult living inside of me sometimes barge out all of a sudden to take over the circumstances and situations, that is when doubts come in. I could doubt everything and live in fear, disclosed in that tiny circle I have to myself. Or I could trust everything about love and live happily, embracing more good the world could offer me. Wouldn't it have been better to stick to the latter option? We all know it would be, and it definitely is. But the first baby step is always the hardest- as you repeatedly will to trust and to suddenly feel an urge so badly to escape the next second. 

I slapped myself and asked, What good have I done to deserve you? For I am a humble person, I could never get the answer to this question. But I am convinced that every actions that I took have led me to this consequence of meeting you, knowing you and to this day. 

You are responsible for what you tame. And I quote your definition of responsible in this context. I am tamed for I am a child in front of you, while you ought to be able to response to my affection, for this is what  I become of when you sit closer each day to me.

To love, is to first be a child in our purest state.