Processing Pains and Lengths

We all once believed,

Everywhere, everyday, and every minute, somewhere in the nook and corner of Earth, a naive heart is taken away by the gracious angels. It is up to our choices, whether the emptiness shall be filled again with faith or despair. It is unfortunately a process of growth and evolution to have our hearts shattered at least once. 

Coldness

He was once your best friend, your brother, your guidance and your comfort zone. Everything of those has vanished. He now claimed himself merely an acquaintance. He was happy if he could offer any help, but nothing more. He stood so far as if you had a fatal disease and never looked at your eyes any longer. It already pained so much, but that was only the commencement. 

Wars

The alienation was too much to take in and then one day, your rationality turned berserk, so you burst like a balloon. It wrecked the peaceful coldness in between. But it was so essential. It seemed the only thing you could do to rebuild this poor, swaying bridge connecting both of you. It was however that nothing went with your wish. He left anyways. 

Wait

Too often, false hopes are in your way. You waited because of delusional hopeful thoughts and your incapability or unwillingness to accept the truth. He will come back for me one day when he finally realizes that I am the best. It really was not shedding tears that pained from within, but the murderous process of waiting. Solitude fed every seconds on that length of time. Every day grew longer. Every hopes deformed into relinquishes. Every bits and pieces of happiness turned sour. The inside started to rot, from beautiful to obscene. 

Realization

You reminisced the past and suddenly an epiphany hit. He just didn't love you any longer. 

IT wasn't because of the withdrawal of his love that pains. The moment he left, you thought you could not live without his love. But you have forgotten the fact that, you have lived just well before even knowing that he existed. Your ability to survive was not dependable on the factor of his existence. You thought you could not survive, because your mind was playing tricks with you. Just that. 

IT was because of the length while recovering that pains. As a child, having your favorite toys broken, you would weep. As a teen, having your wants not satisfied, you threw tantrums. As a lover, having your love being disregarded and trampled, you felt misery. The process of recovering is like rehabilitation after you grew so used to a solid presence that is suddenly withdrawn out of your regular life. They are all but the same processes, only at different ages, requiring different lengths. The older you grow, the more you learn to appreciate what are by your sides. The older you are, the harder it is to let go of the appreciations and precious. It pains even to know that, these processes are essential and necessary for you, for me, even for him. 

Looking at the other sides of your pain, at the same time, you know that he had once felt the same. That made us all fair and even. No grudges, no vengeance. We all have stories of our own, but remind yourself when you are in pain that, somewhere in the corner of other distant cities, or maybe in a parallel universe, another person is feeling just the same. The thought of having a companion you haven't met, but having the same boiling mixed feelings within, it would perhaps lightened a little of your burden. 

I am composed differently from what you are. Having the traits of a traditional Scorpio, I am normally a meaner friend because I would choose not to comfort a broken heart, but to emphasize that, this is a process you must go through on your own. You have a definition of love and of despair. It is your responsibility to discover the meanings of different terms in relationships and connections. I would love to help, but that would be impossible and meaningless whilst discovering and unearthing the truths are so much fun than merely instilling what you hear and what you see from the outside world. Process the pain and make it beneficial. Bear the length and emerge finally from depression. At least, it makes you feel more alive afterwards. 

Dare to love, whilst feeling pain,

Shae

Stories Donations

To those who need a channel,

Do you have a story to share? 

I am an egoistic person, so I do not share too much of myself. 

Because of a happening that literally turned me upside down, I closed myself into a circle of my own and refused to let people come in. I let the people down and until now, I have yet to mend all of the connections and friendships I used to have. 

Until recently I have learned to open up a little, but not too much, because I am now aware of the potential dangers and hazards. I heal too slow because I tend to give in too much. 

I have a personal blog, which is full of my own stories. My blog was my only channel, to put away my emotions.

 Everyone needs a channel every now and then. If you are just like me, tell me your story, meanwhile keeping yourself anonymous.

 I started writing about love because I realized young people needs experiments. But we might not be able to experiment everything, so then here comes sharing. 

Share with me your beautiful stories.

Email: leongshaymei@gmail.com

As always, 

Shae

Anything Less Than A Yes Is A No

Writing out of insensibility and guts,

Everything about human comes down eventually to a Yes and a No. Just as a brainstorm mind-mapping, it began with so many alternatives we want, and they are reduced to what we need, and then to what we can, later to what we must, and finally to Yes or No.

1. Yes or No? Don't force me to change. 

A relationship doesn't start by being single-sided. It is a story based on two characters. Because of how these two people grown up in different environments, because of the age gap, or because of how they are brought up in different family statuses, when two of differences are joint being one, problems arise. They don't function the same- their speeches, their gestures and their habits. Little things that can be acceptable in short terms, when progressed to long terms, it becomes an utter annoyance. Bad habits that had been cultivated even before two were made, they become a source of arguments.

Are you ever going to change this habit of yours or not? Yes or No?

2. Yes or No? It may hurt.

Making decisions or better to say, compromising, while balancing a relationship is a long run business. Take it this way as you perhaps may, a stock market investment. Taking and giving are the mains about stock marketing. It is however very essential that we analyze beforehand the risk of taking or letting. Verbal speech itself is a hazard. Men or women, we are both sensitive creatures, oftenly taking in more on what is actually less. A Yes or a No may mean a lot to a person's ego, inner peace and self-esteem. It may sound very exhausting, but if you are not ready to be responsible on your speech and action, you are not ready to shoulder on a relationship. It is never only a man's responsibility to shoulder. The universe is created in such a way that women and men are both molded distinctively in some ways or another. Maintaining and sustaining the peaceful laws of universe, is like the Newton's Third Law of Motion:

 When one body exerts a force on a second body, the second body simultaneously exerts a force equal in magnitude and opposite in direction to that of the first body. 

3. Yes or No? Shattered pieces.

Worse comes to worst, it is not only about what is for dinner, or what color should the wall be painted. It is the question that puts the relationship on a balance. Because we expect the same for what we give in return, we feel inferior when we are not returned for the same as expected. Because she tells him I love you all the time, she expects him to tell her the same, but not returned with silence that sliced that atmosphere. Her emotions would be wrecked.

I love you. Do you love me the same?

4. Yes or No? Fear.

But little did she know, he was hurt before because of I love you. Expectancy in a relationship burdens him and makes him want to run free. He was hurt before because of I love you, he doesn't want to be tethered taunt and sink deep into his feelings. Yes or No? It is a fear. Deciding is a fear. He wanted to say yes. Instead, his lips are sealed, while letting silence overtake, overpower and overwhelm.  

5. Yes or No? Spare me pain.

I loved you, yet you never showed me more. You kept me by your side, yet you never let me touch you, not even a strand of hair. I loved you, painfully and pitifully. 

Because I needed to burst,

Shae

Astronaut/People

A short story,

People on Earth

    I was an astronaut. In my suit, I had been to many planets; nearest the Moon and furthest the Neptune. Likewise, I had also seen numerous asteroids. Asteroids are fallen stars. They are fast and heavy, therefore very dangerous. But let me tell you something, asteroids are cars driven by small creatures living on those planets. I witnessed this overwhelming wonder. As I went back to the Earth, I told my fellow men of the same- planets are homes and asteroids are transportation- but they didn't believe me. They all laughed and laughed and laughed whilst pointing at my head, 'This astronaut must have missed his home too much!' It was true that I missed my home, but that had nothing to do with my discovery. They continued laughing and pointing. These are the people with zero imaginations and beliefs. I felt sorry for them instead.

    As I managed to shoulder the weight of an astronaut's suit, I was almost half the time in a year out of Earth's atmosphere. The government was always telling us to search for things outside Earth. I had to follow their commands. But I never preferred it, not because it was a tough job. It was because of its absurdity. People are like this, they look always so far beyond them and never look near. They fantasize of what lies far outside, yet never seeing the values of what stands right next. So, my job was to import stones and pebbles from different planets to Earth. They were the same stones and pebbles, only of higher price. People are like this, they are willing to pay for things that come from the outside, but never even glance at things that are right there. I always laughed at their comical faces and gestures whenever winning the auctions. It was because they paid so much for stones and pebbles, just as the stones and pebbles here. 

    When I was an astronaut, I had a colleague. We were very close and we spent a lot of time together. One day during lunch I asked him out of nowhere, 'Why are you an astronaut?' He gave me a look at first. Then, he held up his right arm, while rubbing his thumb and index finger back and forth. He laughed so heartily that I felt guilty if I didn't match his laughter. So I laughed too. After that lunch I could no longer look at him straight. To me, he became so different. His speech and gestures that didn't mean anything significant, now brought up a different air of something. People are weird creatures. They see values only in things that come in numbers. They ask too often and brag too much about numbers. The more zeros they have, the more contented they are. But, the number zero is of no value, just as their questions. Why are they so proud of being valueless? Of that, I could never comprehend. People are just that odd. 

     I woke up every morning to my alarm at 6.30. I prepared myself so that I look clean and presentable at work. At 7.00, I walked every day to the transportation hub to take a railway. The place was always so packed with people. I had loved observing them every morning. They all wore different faces; happy faces, grumpy faces, tired faces and so forth. But they all had one in common-  restlessness. They walked so fast as if their journey to offices were walkathons, they talked so quickly into their phones that I thought they were talking aliens, their eyes always never settling in a spot and always scanning back and forth. I on the other hand, preferred a relaxed stroll to my office building, talking face to face with people instead of gadgets and mesmerizing the beautifully secretive morning mist. I always wondered why were the people always so busy and restless. They had beautiful things all around, but they took no time to realize. Beautiful things all just went to waste.  

    I was a married man and I had a family. I had a wife and two beautiful children. I had always loved her and my children, but we were down with a divorce and a broken family later on. She said I didn't love her anymore. I had always thought I gave her enough love through my actions and deeds. It was true that I came home very seldom because I was an astronaut- I had two homes to go back to; the space shuttle and my little house. For I was a reserved man, I spoke very little of feelings and emotions, not to mention. My wife one day came up to me and threw a tantrum. She was at that time seeing a man. She blamed me for the happening, and for the eyes of the people on her. She wailed and shouted. I pulled her into my arms but she gave me a slap. She wanted words, but I gave her actions. I never knew that, words were more important than actions. I didn't know that, merely 'I love you' could give more comfort than my steady hands. I could do her nothing more, because I was only an astronaut. 

Doodles by Maxdy

Free writing, free thinking,

Shae

Wounded Love

We lick our own wounds,

[Didn't you say you love me? But you left me all alone.

That night I became so helpless and feeble, and all I could do was curl up like a ball, hugging my legs, to make myself feel warmer without your presence. I kept rubbing my feet against each other, so I could imagine yours rubbing against mine. I have always loved that.

I thought maybe this could spare me some loneliness, but I wept like a baby, as I was reminded even harshly at your real absence. You hand could no longer wrap my waist, your lips will never again be on mine, your fingers not anymore running through my hair and your beautiful eyes now refuse to look into mine.

Ever since when has your love dissociated? 

No, I doubt your love. 

Have your love for me existed? 

You never try anything on behalf of me, but I tried everything to make you happy. I love you so much, that I gave all of myself, yet I got only so little in return. Why were you so stingy with your love? I didn't complained. I swallowed every bits and pieces of hardships. I was a good girl. But why couldn't you shower me with more love? My needs were that simple. 

I shouldered our relationship until it went down to only a single passage connecting between us. My faith was collapsing, but I rebuilt it again and again, because the very thought of losing you scared me. Yet, you were always crushing the pillars, so effortlessly, so innocently and so elegantly. My efforts were futile. I couldn't even cry a tear in front of you, because I fear of driving you away. I had to mask up and live in false pretenses. 

All the initial comfort during your presence has turned to unbearable intensity. I was beginning to feel utter exhaustion. Why has you turned this way? What has gone faulty between us? I can no longer reach you like I could. It suddenly struck me that, our mutual understanding has long vanished. Your love was gone. Yet, it took me so long to realize the truth behind all your words.

You were such a good liar, and such flawless speaker. 

You made me believed that you left me because you loved me.]

0 is not a number as we speak of relationships. Everyone started as 1. The number itself stands so proudly, so tall and so confidently; not knowing what lies behind the captivating fantasies about love. As we let our beautiful imaginations run wild we have forgotten that, 'Every coins has two sides.' The very first time love approaches, rationality looses itself; we let our hair down as we give in entirely without  a flash thought of holding back. There is only one road, as we closed our eyes to the others, abandoning even the escape routes. Tell me, how can love possibly be this dangerous? I have to fail you, because I am telling you the very truth, what risk love can bring to an unprepared person. Yet, we can never be prepared enough, because our minds accept only what we want, which is joy, and it excludes everything that we don't want, it is called grief. 

Everything about love is nothing,  but mere cliches and dittos. Because love is a common mutual every person possesses, we hear very often of its stories and see very much of its appearance. An experienced person will speak of love as good AND bad; a baby amateur will mention otherwise of love as good OR bad. I was once told, and I remember it until today, 'Love is like a sword. It could be a defense to help you, or it could be a weapon which hurts you.' I find truth in these words. It is however unfortunate for us people, that we never learn if not from the harsh ways. To becoming a swordsman, we cannot escape ourselves from injuries dancing with the sword. Cuts and bruises will make us remember the way we ought to hold our swords. While cuts and bruises also imprint us, making us never again to sway it this way and that, and never again holding it in such positions. Some people call it being wise, some call it cowardice. We only need to learn through trials and experiments, that is all.

Do not fear to love with wounds,

Shae

Letters to my broken heart

Hello my love, we meet again.

Who are we now? Lovers or friends?

What are we feeling? Joy or pain?

I apologize, lately I've not been sane.

It has been long since I've been longing

to say to you what I've been feeling

My heart broken, in need of amending

Need not hide, need not pretending

You see my love, from that very day

we left our love and went our way

With time the feelings fray

With time things are no longer gray

I now know, my mind is clear

I have embraced and accepted my fear

I've made my resolve to let go my dear

But there is one last thing I must do here

I know not where you are or how to start

I can't send you my final card

I question my sanity as we move apart

Here I write letters to my broken heart.

This is a letter about Distance

Especially you,

     Distance is defined physically as a non-vector quantity, measured in length; meters, centimeters, kilometers and so forth. However, my dear, I am not writing at this late hour, just to explain using complicated scientific terms, what distance means to the world of science. I want you to know what distance should mean to me, to you and to us.

    We both have been through relationships. We are not fresh faces to the circle, but we are not experienced enough to call ourselves Gurus. But actually, how many times do we involve in relationships, that you think would make us Gurus; Gurus who are in superior states and are already numb to pain? Would you believe me if I say, I actually quite enjoy myself immersing in a little pain, because it makes me feel alive and it gives me the force to live better?

    I have been told of your stories, and I am aware of your histories. I too, have been hurt, and still is in the process of getting healed. Distance has once failed us. It would be the biggest lie, if I tell you that I have full confidence in holding up my chin, and straightening my back, while cursing to Distance, showing no fear for its rude and cheeky interruption. I hear stories, and I witness them. Eventually, Fear crept in, invading my mind and my body. I want to look into your eyes, like a little girl, and tell you, 'I'm afraid for us. For the possibilities. Can you help me?' But I can't. Because if I want to protect you from Fear, I cannot let my mind waver. 

  

   Maybe we could play a  game of our own, for it could perhaps help lightened up the palpable intensity. We could have simply a redemption coupon, and have it signed for every month that passed. When 12 boxes are fully used, you could have it exchanged for a little present on your request. Or maybe we could race each other to reaching our personal targets, and the first who accomplish could have anything requested. There are so many more that I can think of, that we can do, to make us forget about the Wait, and to remind ourselves more of the Anticipation.  

    Let's not hate Distance, for it is innocent; let's together learn to appreciate it, for it could possibly create more sparks and chemical between us. Don't people always say, 'Create a little space between so that you can love each other more.' When you are separated from me, perhaps you will discover more of my love and caring, for I will tell you how much I miss your scent, your touch, and your gentleness. When I am separated from you, perhaps I will learn to love you more, for I will certainly miss the very best of you, that I could possibly never find from anyone else. When we are both on a scale of distance or displacement, perhaps we will learn to confess better, to be kinder, and to unearth happiness amid pain. 

    Did you not once lecture this playful girl, while telling me so hard to appreciate the moments we have now? Say, if it is not for Distance, would we be wasting our times together because we see no urgency in it? I owe one to you and also to It. I make every moment counts, because I wish to create more memories, of which I could slowly devour when you are not there. Memories don't have an expiration date, do they? I hope not. 

3 words, 8 letters,

Shae

Briefly Encountered

Let me share with you a story, as once upon a time, I may have brushed past your shoulder,

For I have given myself in too deeply, in consequence, I was hurt to the same depth. Maybe more, or a little less, I couldn't tell for sure. However, it was never a lie, that I have shut myself out of people and connections, crammed in my own tiny circle of life. We hear very often, 'It takes years to build Trust, but seconds to have it crushed.' It was the same, for me.  

Aren't they strange but interesting fellas, Fate and Serendipity,

 always appearing only at unexpected times?

I met a person. Einen Typ. A year or so ago, our encounter was brief. I was introduced to Him on a party, as a very close friend of a friend. We greeted, as my girl friend finally revealed her Secret Boyfriend. I remember Him from the first encounter because of a sense of familiarity. That time, I was having a hard time in terms of a relationship. It was starting to fall, yet again. The air of confidence and maturity reminded me of another Him. That evening, it actually pained to see both of them so happily together. It was the only thing I wanted from Him. I stole glances at them, especially her, as admiration and a tinge of jealousy filled my blood. 

That evening, I could never foresee anything of such today.

As we opened ourselves to changes and irregularities, our lives are driven forward with a push. It always seemed to me that during my childhood days, time used to be longer than now. Scientifically, children feel a longer time frame in 24 hours compared to adult, because they are exposed to new things everyday. It was a humorous joke, 'We live longer when we do something new everyday.' 

With a grip, slowly I am walking out of my own shadowed frame, as I involved myself with Him. I may or may not completely walk out of it; I may or may not entirely overcome my fears in relationships, but that change has brought me good, as I discover the good sides of myself more, making me feel beautifully confident in my own skin. I couldn't have possibly imagined a change with that brief our Encounter. 

So tell me, what has an Encounter done to you?

I have came to see that my tiny presence, and my tragic love story that I hid to myself, was nothing merely a speck of dust to the universe. Broken hearts, teary eyes, choking cries, they are a cycle all over this world. I certainly am not the only welled up with tears, am I not? All of us did or will do.

I want all of you to understand my story,

I want all of us to be happier while encountering People,

Shae

Relations to Emotions

To those who feel and take in,

When I started at 0, I believe it was Happiness that came to me at the very first breathe I took, because I have a complete and loving family.

As I began to walk and talk, I was hand in hand with Curiousity because the world always had something new to be discovered everyday; birds that fly when I couldn't, adults who speak many languages and dialects over conversations when I could only mumble 'Mummy' and 'Daddy'.

Then I was sent to a kindergarten; I learned ABC and 123, playing with those little ones who were indifferent to me, as I slowly became friends with Joy and Happiness.

As I turned 16, puberty, which came as early as 12, was overpowering and overtaking my sanity as well as rationality, as I very much approached Anxiety, Ire, Loathe and Unsatisfactory.

At the age of 18, hopes were broken and dreams were trampled, I was accompanied by Sorrow and Disappointment. Also, I had a very brief encounter with Love.

This year I am 20. I am breathing new air, seeing new things and conversing to new people. I met Hope the other day and we had a pleasant talk, as I asked for his companionship in my journey later on.



In terms of musicianship, expressions play one of the utmost role in its performance. You may not believe it, but in the baroque and classical eras, where Bach, Mozart and Beethoven lived, a single piece could used up 10-20 years to completion. So much emotions were injected into the pieces to make them alive, yet they refused to show their true faces, demanding to be only discovered with care and patience. They are that elusive, that arousing and that cryptic.

Us musicians, often relate emotions to colors. I see anger red, joy pink, secretive purple, despair black, hope white, and bliss blue.

It is however that I have seen and heard, people relating non-abstract objects to emotions. In psychological point of view, a grown up who relates his fear to a certain animal may have had bitter experience with the animal itself. Maybe he sees a dog when he is afraid, because he had been bitten badly by one when he was 14 years old. Or perhaps, she smells her mother's cooking when she is depressed, because her late mother always cooked her favorite food when she came back feeling low.

Emotions started off simple, but becoming a complexity as people age. It could have been because we are all the times influenced by the surrounding factors. Does it not sound familiar to you that, when you were young you believed love is merely two people kissing and hugging each other, while their faces wear beautiful smiles? Ask yourselves now, what is love? I could say for sure, your definition for love has changed completely.

I couldn't have possibly listed all the emotions, even if I wanted to.

I feel, just like you do,

Shae

For you

I have no flowers I have no clue
I don't have roses red or corn flower blue
All I have are words, words true
All I am, I write for you
Unsettling is my heart in expressing my love
For I know not if yours observe
Will mine be denied, accepted or hurt?
I know not for I'm not a prophet
But what I am I write for you
And I am a man with feelings true
I don't have roses red or corn flower blue
Up til now I still have no clue
Not distance, not time, not space
Not even the greatest can erase
my heart's desire for you and its pace
beating as if it knew this was a race
Swiftly, quickly, in Godspeed I write
Write to you before I begin to deny
Deny these words that are set to unfold
and leave my feelings denied and untold
Now it is time for me to conclude
In the end I still have no clue
Still no roses red nor corn flower blue
But here, this poem, I write for you

Love is...

Love. It has inspired artists to create magnificent music, paintings, poetry... It has changed lives and resolved wars. It has brought about great impact upon the human race yet... Many are asking what is love?

My journey on understanding love is my own and I have found great insight on it. I will like to share with you what I've found after countless hours of research and experimentation. Yes, I treated it like a science project but that is how I go about doing things. So here are some of the things that are interesting. I'll be sharing it from different points of view.

Biological, Psychological, Spiritual

For most love seems to be this grand thing that cannot be explained. I am part of that majority. But as I went on to find the meaning of love and to gain a deeper understanding of it I came across individuals who believed that is a biological, psychological and spiritual thing. I can't argue about that and I do actually agree to a certain level. So here are a few things on how we are biologically, psychologically attracted to one another.

Attraction between men and women

Attraction seems to play a part in this love thing. We tend to find our self drawn towards a certain individual. We develop a relationship with this certain individual, give a label and call that force love. So is that what love is??? Maybe. Well, attraction happens all the time to you and to me. We will find someone who we are specifically drawn towards and this comes with a desire to build a relationship and a future with this certain person. But why?

Science has lead us to know that we are build with a genetic based structure. Our genetics will lead to our features and lead towards being attracted to certain features. Like most living things we desire to procreate and would like our offspring to be the strongest possible in order to survive and procreate as well. So our mind has been build in such a way that we seek for the best mate for us. Biologically the features we seek often are those that have a healthy build. Men and women both seek healthy physical appearance as the 1st sign. Then the 2nd is the scent of the person. Research has found that through our sense of smell we can determine if our genes and the other persons gene will lead to a healthy baby. This usually is determined by the scent of the other person, whether is it delightful or frightful.

Now for psychological part. Other than what we have built inside us we also have something else that we have developed through the influences of our environment, society, community and family. The things we see on the tele, the things we hear from the people, they aid us in the development of our consciousness thus affecting what we would naturally prefer to what society would prefer. It is because we all want to fit in and find our place in our community. Now let us look into what men and women would find attractive. Men would be looking for women that other men would envy. Women would be looking for a man with status, money and looks like Brad Pitt. Well this all would be dependent on the social standards of that community. Like for example, the native tribes where I'm from namely the Orang Ulu would seek for a man with the most tattoos. Because the tattoos symbols for power, status and achievement. The more the tattoos, the better the man. Which is of course not exactly true for every case. 

Now let us go into the Spiritual part. When I use the word 'spiritual' I use it as a synonym for our mentality. Our soul, mind, spirit, self, attitude, personality; in this context is interchangeable. Now that we've cleared that up lets begin. Physical attraction will fade, there is no question that we will all slowly degenerate and revert back to dust. But there is a part of us which, if taken care, of will mature like wine. The older the better. This thing is our spirit. This words for men and women universally. Men will find women who are compassionate and adventurous universally attractive. Compassionate meaning nurturing, able to take care of his feelings and also a child. It also includes the ideals of a man for what he dreams of is his child and if you can't nurture that then you will be unattractive. Adventurous meaning open to experiences. Now, if a women is nurturing and compassionate but denies sex then the attraction level drops to -100%. Men already has a mother so in that case he'll pass. But you can't have too much of both, you gotta balance. Now for women, they find men who are steady and humorous the most attractive. Steady as in like a tree, deeply and firmly rooted to the ground. Is there for her whenever she needs him. Not easily swayed by the troubles and always the place for shelter. Humorous because women are like stress buttons. It is found that women have a lower threshold for pain are more likely to be stressed out than men.(Its the hormone thing) So a man must be able to set of stress by making her laugh. Just think back the last time you heard a girl saying that she doesn't like a funny guy. It was like, never ago! So men are these steady trees and women are like that breezy wind. Blowing about on the leaves, changing his hairstyle, changing his clothes, changing his eating habits. 

Love is abstract

So after many hours of research I found that love will represent differently for every single individual. Love is that something and your very own something. Although we might share this love but to me its you and to you its me. That is still not for sure. Because as much as I love you, I'm on a diet and that chocolate coated, sugary glazed, durian cream filled cream puff seems very lovely at the moment. 

People with People

I spread my Love to all of you who deserves, 

We sing ourselves to love songs

We immerse ourselves in love scenes

We read ourselves to love literature 

The only reason I could ever think of, to the existence of TWO genders is

to give and accept Love

Love is a beautiful thing. But, we always have this big question going on: What is Love? When we doubt Love, it becomes an ugly scene.Whenever insecurity strikes, our eyebrows furrowed like an arch, our eyes glaring, the edges of our lips and mouths turned into a frown, and suddenly, everything about him that used to be so gorgeous loses its colours. Perhaps, sometimes, we ought to ignore the question, and recalculate its importance. 

It was his baby blue eyes that captured my heart.

But suddenly, you despised everything that comes in blue, even the sky.

It was that serious expression that he wears, that never fails to make my heart beats.

But all of a sudden, you loathed his seriousness in daily conversations which ended up into arguments. 

Didn't you Love him at the very first, for he was him, but not anyone else brushing past you on the streets, and not those who appear on the television? What did it took you to turn Love into hatred? Fatigue, insecurity, or merely because you don't Love him any longer? So, did you really Love him in the first place? Or it merely was a temporary fire that burns in your loins, your neck, as his fingertips and soft lips ran across your delicate skin? How do you define Love, then? 

We all have our versions of definitions for Love, because the way we feel are utterly different from one another. He could have looked her right in the eyes and said, 'I Love you,' but his Love would mean differently from hers. Maybe she Loved him, because of his gentleness, the way he combed her hair with his fingers and kissed her on her nose. Perhaps he Loved her, because of her hearty laughs, that rang in his ears, and that gave wrinkles in her eyes. 

Whatever the reasons are, faith and belief are necessary to maintain things in beautiful forms. We all should learn to give trust to strangers. We all should try maybe once, to shut our eyes, but listen close to our hearts that say, 'Trust that you will not fall for he is right behind and ready to catch you in his arms.' Love should not be questioned; for even if we have the world halved, there wouldn't be a logical or scientific explanation to it. Because Love doesn't exist as a solid presence, that appears to touch, smell, and vision. It appears only to the 6th sense, the one that some have yet to discover.

Feel the Love, trust the instincts. We don't need to say 'I Love you' to prove that it is there. We can learn to feel and sense, what Love means to all of  the HEs out there, through his eyes, his body, his touch, and his actions. After all, it is not only through speech that we communicate. We forget all the times, that body language is also a tool of communication. That is why a handshake with a strong grip could convey respects, a warm hug could spare loneliness, just as a gentle kiss on the lips could confess Love. 

Every relationship in different ages and stages plays a role, each one distinguishing itself from another. For I am a young blood and a new face to this circle, I cannot and ought not to speak of myself too much. But I do have stories to be told, and histories to be kept, as I stumbled upon new experiences and lessons. 

'So then, what is your story?' from,

Shae 

A small reminder and apology,

*For I am writing on behalf of the SHEs, I have been using HEs throughout.*

Living the change

Guten Tag, to all the passby-ers and perhaps, the ones who will stay for my writings,

To overtake:
Entering the monsoon season, Malaysia has slowly became my favourite place.

I believe from the very initial of my mere existence, I have never took a liking to the sun. Oh, how I loathe walking under the scorching sun, that bakes my skin and scalp, so much so they might just turn into thin, crunchy crusts.

But, the clouds are slowly overtaking and overpowering, announcing their honorable arrivals while the sun, its stunning rays weakened and softened. I am rather convinced that, this is what we call, a nature's domination, as what comes around, also goes around.

To take control:
Power is a temptation, having a mysterious attraction and ability, that could turn things goodly inside-out, or badly upside-down. We all want to have the limelight in different ways. Once in a while, I want so much to be dominant and outstanding, just like sitting on the top of a food chain. But sometimes, I just want to live without so much pressure, bearing the weight of a crown.

Yet, whichever the choice that I make, either I will stand tall among the high-societies, or I live a simple life in the woods, the power is in my hand and within my reach, as I take over from now own, the my life's journal.

To not surrender:
Serendipity and fate may apply to love, relationships and connections, but I do not surrender my life, merely because we are told that, our births and deaths are fates, so long ago written and planned on God's calendar.

A soon-to-become-twenty, I come from a mediocre family, with both my parents as government officers. I dare not say that I lead apparently an extraordinary life, but I dare to say that, everyone who knows of my journey-in-the-making had given me all kinds of looks. (Exaggeration?)

Many who know are doubtful of my decision and standing, believing that this is nothing but an impulse. This call may be made because of a momentum and a fiery passion, but I keep faith in my rational sensibility, but also irrational thoughts.

To dare:
I have came across many friends and relatives, who are, in my eyes, fear to make change. Change is a part of evolution and revolution. Human has been and is always changing. Change is a good thing, no matter how we look at it. I want to make change to how I live and push myself further, better if beyond my limits.

I hold my ground always with a principal: A challenge is the essence to living. We haven't really lived if everything has been normal. We will only be living truly if we have seen something somewhere somehow.

I am forever changing at this age,

I am unpredictable as the wind's course;

My thoughts are too full and, 

Waiting to be deemed into actions;

My ideas are always flowing and,

Too difficult to be converted into verbs.

 Auf Wiedersehen, from

Shae

I. You. Us.

Who am I?

Who are you?

Who are we?

Familiar questions huh? Especially the first one. Who am I? It is such a simple question yet we can't seem to settle on a solid answer. We change who we are constantly or who we think we are. Many are the times when you are faced with struggles in life and you stop for a moment to breathe, then it hits you... That very question that you have just answered yourself not long ago. At that point and time you find yourself in distress, contradicting your ideals of your identity. You seek insatiably for the answer, the truth. But now I tell you, the truth lies, in you.

I've spent many moments wondering, pondering, debating, challenging the idea of self and self identity. I seek for answers in regards to its origin, meaning, significance and relation to us. Here is what I have to say about I. You. Us

I.

I am __________

I am whatever I am required to be at any given moment. I am honest, I am deceiving, I'm interesting, I'm dull, I'm this, I'm that. I need not a label for I know I will indefinitely agree and disagree with myself. I will change constantly and so will my ideals. I will contradict. This is I, I am who I am.

You.

You are one of many as I am one of many. We are all unique in our own way. Diverse in our myriad of knowledge, experience and preference. Although we are different we are also very much the same. Although I do not completely understand the extent of what is going on in your head but if I see you fall I too can relate to the pain for I also have fell before. Although we have all these differences, we still can share one thing and this one thing is what makes human. We can share our humanity.

Us.

You and I... We are pretty much the same. We are also very different from one another. That is what makes life interesting. We are all artists, our life is our medium, our art is our expression. There will always be uncertainty, instability and chaos. For without them there will be no need for the word 'balance', its existence would have meant nothing. For if I could only see light then I'll never know light for there is no darkness to teach. Embrace all there is, appreciate life and improve the 1 thing we know we can improve by change... Self.

To end this I'd like to share with you this aphorism widely used by stoic philosophers in ancient Greece.

Know Thyself 

To know I, I look to you. To know you, I look into I. To know Us, I look into We. We all fit into the picture of our Humanity.

Humanity

Hello all,

I have been introduced indirectly to a small, but very special organization founded in NY, 'The Stranger's Project'.

'The Strangers Project is a series of anonymous journal entries collected from complete strangers. 

Read stories at http://strangersproject.com/'

The description above, is as plucked directly from its Facebook page. 

I don't volunteer for the project, nor am I making money out of advertising. The very reason I am writing about this, is that, I feel an urgency to share what benefits the humanity, to make our society a better place to mingle in. 

As I cautiously read through pages of stories, taking into account every words, meanings, and feelings conveyed, I was mesmerized, not actually knowing by what. I've came very early to understand that everyone here on Earth live a different life. However, this project injected me with wonders and I was oddly overwhelmed, knowing I am the kind of person who does not bother much with what goes around and comes around. 

There are people living dramatic lives like normal; Birth and death, illness and health, what are given and taken away in a blink of an eye.That really makes me remorseful. I am a healthy girl, 20 years old, having a happy family, friends and connections. But sometimes, we are just so unsatisfied, and we crave every time for more. 

Human are selfish by nature. Because of how great money and materials influence our daily livings (Do not ever deny the social truth), people are inclined to follow the quick pace of advancements. We strive to achieve more in terms of materials, not realizing the warmth that has been slowly dissipating and not being retrieved. Because we fear living in poverty, our humanity is kept ninja-hidden. Eventually, we hid our true selves, wearing a mask, living everyday with a poker face. Is that what we defined as revolution, or could it be only our harsh ignorance? 

Human are scientifically mammals. There is warmth in our blood, as our hearts beat. Our breaths, warm, condensed into a tiny circle of mist, against cold-hard surfaces. Our bodies, warm and giving off heat, because we are considered dead, without body temperature. 

See? We have warmth by nature. We are warm by birth and by creation. We cannot lie anymore to ourselves, hypnotizing, that we are just as cold and as hard as a rock. Of that human are ice cold, that, is not the truth, is it?

Stories from our Strangers

The Stranger's Project 

A little of nothing but may mean something from,

Shae

Genesis

This is the beginning. The time of testing. The time of trial. To learn and understand. So write as you please.

Wish I could make it sound less dramatic but I like it that way. Well, it also depends on what I'm going to write about. But you get the idea. For now let us begin here by writing whatever goes through our minds. For now I will write on the subject of 'Genesis'.

Genesis...

It is defined as the origin of or the formation of something. The beginning, the Alpha. Such as the 1st book of the Holy Scriptures it represents the initial creation. In the manuscripts of physicists the point of singularity. The moment where everything began. 

Like every other word, its existence has a meaning. The 1st is to represent. The 2nd is what we bestow upon it. For if it has no meaning then this word will only be a string of letters affixed together. So we understand it by its 1st meaning to represent the beginning. But what of the 2nd meaning that you have bestowed upon it? Is the word symbolic in any way to your being? Somehow we as humans tend to understand things as it is and also as what we think it is.

For me the meaning of the word Genesis is Creation. 

I can go on and on and on with this article but unfortunately I have to be elsewhere. I'll leave this here as you progress. Just write what's on your mind. And enjoy what you write. There is no wrong no right, no quota, no dateline. Just let your expression flow and your passion glow.